I am free

No matter how interesting the subject, there will always be someone bored at the lecture. No matter how great the adventure, there will always be people trying to watch it on TV instead of seizing it. There’s no way a writer can reach each and every audience. But if you’re tired of getting acquainted with other people’s insane thoughts through their bad poetry, it’s in our mutual interest that you’ll please stop reading right now. This text is all about me. And it’s not even a poem.

I am free because my mind wonders. I am free because my spirit cares. I am free because my body loves walking under the rain when sick, going to bed early every other day, and staying up too late the rest of the time. I am free because I live without regrets despite my long history of mistakes.

I am free because I do love, and because I’m not ashamed of loving, even when it’s loving someone who’s ashamed of me. And yet time after time I get myself injured and exhausted of loving, thinking there won’t be a next try because my heart has been beaten up to it’s limit. But, somehow, I end up trying again and again because I choose to do so, to give myself completely in a relationship, to work hard for it and invest in it without a backup plan or a security harness, just wishing to find the one willing to do exactly the same. And I’m sure today I’m closer than ever, because I am free.

I am free because I have no money; or, more precisely, because I do have money and I give it away without worries. And yet sometimes I think how it would be great to accumulate possessions like everyone else does on a daily basis, measuring their success in life over the amount of zeros in their bank accounts. But, for some reason, I believe the value of money is in the use you’re able to give to it, especially in the benefit of those surrounding you, and once more I reach the end of the month with exactly the necessary to buy me lunch and maybe a soda. And I know it won’t bitter me, because I am free.

I am free because I can like or dislike people and accept them anyway. And yet sometimes I feel myself so unfair, so biased, so evilly stained with prejudice I have no face to show to the world. But, in the end and after some refreshing isolation, I’m back in a point where it doesn’t matter how similar or different we are on the outside because we’re only humans after all, everyone trying to grow at our own pace, by our own means. And I have faith in mankind’s growth potential, because I am free.

I am free because the outcome of my life isn’t written in some god’s destiny book, and isn’t forsaken to pure chance either. And yet once in a while, wouldn’t it be nice if we were just puppets, with our strings being pulled here and there, released from responsibilities and related burdens? But, all said, I’d rather carry half the world on my back than having someone else making decisions for me, taking away from me the gift of discovery and achievement. And I believe the result of this life will be good enough, because I am free.

I am free because I’m random, fuzzy, chaotic and messy. And yet right now I have this urge to tidy up, this desire to schedule my time, this longing for silence and spare time and order. But, to be honest, I don’t believe it’s in my nature to be able to keep it, to maintain a structured life outside the boundaries of my digital world. And I hope someone will want to help me compensate for this deficiency just because appreciates the fact that I am free.

I am free because I’m a puny human, with a tiny brain and no guts for anything. And yet, despite my weakness, I’ve proven myself able to take care of me and others without begging for help. But, of course, just a few lines ago I’ve recognized I’m not completely able to actually take care of all my needs by myself. And I want to never be perfect, and I wish to never be too imperfect, because I am and want to still be free.

I am free, and this freedom hadn’t come without pain and suffering. However, it makes me happy. Yes, I am happy. And I feel you will share in my happiness and make it yours… because you, you too are free. You just haven’t noticed it yet.